I hated the name Dileep Kumar: A R Rahman
Music director A R Rahman, who has won the hearts of scores of music aficianados the world over, hated his original name Dileep Kumar and had sucidial thoughts till he was 25.
Wondering if this can really be true? Don’t doubt it because this has been disclosed by none other A R Rahman himself.
The double-Oscar winner from Madras, has made these sensational disclosures in his authorised biography called Notes of a Dream, which has been penned by Krishna Trilok.
More importantly, A R Rahman also talks about the impact the loss of his father had on him. This is significant as it comes at a time when society has been undermining the role of fathers in children’s lives.
Rahman was nine when his father R.K. Shekhar passed away. To make ends meet, the family rented out musical equipment then.
“I finished everything between the age of 12 to 22. It was boring for me to do all the normal stuff. I didn’t want to do it,” Rahman says in the book.
The celebrated music composer, who has made a name for himself in India and the world over, says he embraced Islam long before he scored music for his first film, Roja.
The music director says he did not like his original name, Dileep Kumar, but admits he cannot pinpoint what caused the hatred.
“I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don’t even know why I hated it. I felt it didn’t match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole [being]. I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage,” he says.
Once Rahman scored music for Roja, his status and position in society changed. But before that, the music director says he struggled for over a decade with feelings of being a failure.
“Up until 25, I used to think about suicide. Most of us feel we are not good enough. Because I lost my father, there was this void… There were so many things happening,” Rahman says and then talks about how he used this nagging feeling of being a failure to turn fearless.
“…In a way made me more fearless. Death is a permanent thing for everyone. Since everything created has an expiry date, so why be afraid of anything?” Rahman was quoted as having said by a news agency.
